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Apple of Momma's Eyes - is your Man Glued to His Mother?
Saturday, March 24, 2007
Author: Michael Douglas

While daughters are more attached to their fathers, sons tend to be closer to their mothers. The maternal bond however, often can end up epitomising claustrophobia and insecurity for partners and wives. The dependency factor on the mother often spills over to basics like clothes and food, so much so that the new woman in the man's life constantly finds herself trapped in a relentless identity and space crisis. We explored the mindset of the so-called momma's boys.

A GUILT SYNDROME
Sons are always the apple of their mothers' eyes. So dotty are the mothers about their sons that even the mention of a girlfriend can spark a sudden reaction of loss and teary eyed. Which at times leaves the son with a sense of incessant guilt of putting his mother through extreme torture after all that she has done for him over the years. "When David first introduced me to his parents, I was certain nothing could go wrong. While his father remained in a state of comfort, his mother was visibly perturbed with my presence and when I offered to help her in the kitchen with the way he dinner, she almost went into a shell making her domain crisis very apparent. She later told him that she hadn't liked my offering help. I didn't do anything to incur her wrath but I think her sense of losing was so overwhelming that there was nothing else in the world she could care about. Shortly after the meeting David broke up with me. I realised he was such a momma's boy that he could not help behaving the way he did," says Donna Hughes, a doctor.

THE EGO HANG UP
Very often mothers induce their sons into taking decisions that may have no justification whatsoever. It is the sense of not being a part of the sons' decision from the beginning accompanied by a sense of 'how dare she think, she will occupy my place in his life'. "My marriage to my long standing boyfriend would have been a classic case of history repeating itself, with his parents having had a love marriage themselves. I thought his parents would understand our emotions and stand by us but what I got in return was completely different. His mother for no fault of mine took an aversion to me and drilled the same into him day and night. It did not end there, even his grandmother was apprehensive about my presence in my boyfriend's life. I couldn't gauge what the problem with the respective ladies was. I never really got an answer to that. He broke off with me almost instantly after hearing 'no' from his mom and grand mom and I was left brooding on why I had been struck with something so unfair. But I understood one thing, that he was a completely momma's boy. He did not ask his mom for a justification. I was convinced of not wanting to spend my life with someone so spineless. For all you know, at his mother's behest he could have walked out on me after our marriage had we taken the plunge," says Rebecca Jones.

FEAR FACTOR
Often more than the mothers, it's the sons who need to bear the blame for making their partners miserable by walking out of long-standing relationships, or by constantly comparing their wives to their mothers. Adit's mom had said a straight no to our marriage. At that point he broke up with me but I think his desire to be with me was so strong that he came back and we tied the knot. I thought my struggle had ended and I did not have to prove myself in anyway to him ever again.But I was sadly mistaken. Everyday was a new battle. His mother, who wasn't happy about the marriage for obvious reasons, made sure she would put me in a tight spot and ask him to make a choice and he would support his mother, abandoning me.After a year, I decided to put my foot down and walked out of the marriage. I knew he would never be able to emerge from the shadow of his mother's bosom," says Carolyn Ray, a software professional.

Found at ArticlesBase.com

About the Author:
Michael Douglas is a relationship expert and the webmaster of http://www.datersmanual.com/ where he provides relationship advice for women and free dating tips for men to help in building healthy and successful relationships.

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posted by Ladybird @ 11:37 AM   20 comments
Top Relationship Killers - How to Avoid the Pitfalls of a Failed Relationship
Tuesday, March 13, 2007
Author: Michael Douglas

The dating world is often harsh and chaotic. Finding somebody who is worthy of your time can be a difficult and dirty job. Nonetheless, we are compelled to enter such an unforgiving world for the sake of the desired outcome: a good relationship. Once you've found such a gem of a person and settled nicely into a comfortable relationship, you don't want to throw it all away with a nasty mis-step. Below are some common relationship killers and how to avoid them.

Being critical
It is said that a little constructive criticism can be positive. This is the case, of course, for everybody except your girlfriend. Although suggestions are generally considered acceptable, particularly if she asks for them, put downs and unwarranted negative input are expected from her mother, not her lover. If you correct her, tell her how to dress or generally act as though you know best, she will feel self-conscious.

Becoming unkempt
Style is by no means infinitely important, but if you become shabby as soon as you're comfortable with her, she'll be sure to keep her distance. If she was attracted to you when you were wearing starched shirts, chances are that's what she likes, and she may stop being attracted to you if all you wear are t-shirts and dirty jeans.

Being snappy
The more serious you get, the more time you and her spend together. There's a chance that you might find some of her habits to be not as charming as you thought. So, you find yourself nagging her like she's your little sister. You act as though you're annoyed by her every move. You're not, of course, but you just feel comfortable enough to be blunt. Unfortunately for you, she probably won't accept this behaviour for a very long period.

Cheating
Physical cheating is never acceptable unless you and your girl have an agreement about such behaviour, or something like an 'open relationship'. But cheating isn't limited only to sexual misconduct - there is a second type of cheating that can be nearly as hurtful. And that's emotional cheating. This type of cheating applies to very serious relationships in which your girl would expect full disclosure and sharing. It just means that your girlfriend wants to feel like you trust her and confide in her. She doesn't want to be second-best. And if she is, she'll notice.

Being controlling
This one is age-old. Many people in relationships are control freaks. You get jealous of her guy friends. You tell her not to spend so much time gossiping with her girl friends. You tell her she spent too much money at the shoe store. Although women have a reputation for being clingy, they also enjoy their independence. Instead of demanding time, ask for it.
Judging her friends and family
If you find her friends, her sister and her mother annoying, you're going to have an awfully hard time. It's important to try to see what she sees in them. If you try to see the good things in them, you might actually start to like them.

About the Author:
Michael Douglas is a relationship expert and writes articles about love, dating and relationships. He also offers free dating tips for women and free dating advice for men at his website http://www.datersmanual.com


posted by Ladybird @ 12:27 PM   34 comments
Ending your Relationship in Style!
Thursday, March 1, 2007
Author: Michael Douglas

There is only one thing worse than a broken relationship, dealing with it, especially for men. So we give you a few pointers on how to make sure that you come out of the break-up smelling of roses and also being credited with some sensitivity.

Nurture your relation ship like a career:
So you are one of those who don't expect your relationship, like your job to last for longer than a few months. In that case, make sure that you are on your best behaviour. Treat her well. In such a case you are always assured of a good reference in case a future conquest happens to be pals with an ex.

Spend, spend and then spend some more:
Women will overlook everything but not a cheapskate. Now we are not suggesting you spend all your savings wining and dining her in style. Take her out on intimate dates and surprise her with flowers from time to time. She'll appreciate your thoughtfulness.

Know when to say goodbye:
According to Woody Allen, a relationship is like a shark: "It has to constantly move forward or it dies." If you sense a dead shark on your hands, cut your losses and say your goodbye. Far too many men make the mistake of prolonging a bad relationship simply because they don't want to hurt their partner's feelings. However noble the sentiment, that only allows angst and resentment to build.

Don't play the blame game
So you are breaking up because she is a shrew or she is always suspicious. Fine but don't ever make the mistake of telling her so. You don't have to be a fall guy, you just have to be a gentleman.

Don't go back for some TLC
In the aftermath of your breakup, you'll likely find yourself lonely and bored. Don't go back for a one night stand with your ex thinking it would be no-strings attached. This will only create complications, for you never know what the other person is thinking. What if she feels that this could be a move towards reconciliation or what if you had second thoughts about getting back and she does not?

Avoid the drunken phone call
The only thing worse than going back for sex is calling your ex at 2:00 a.m. and begging her, for anything, from a night of passion to getting back together. Despite your best intentions, your drunken phone calls are a potent anti-aphrodisiac that make you sound just desperate.

Stay friendly following the breakup
Chinese military strategist Sun Tzu was clearly on to something when he advised: "Keep your friends close and your enemies closer." You'll never be "bestest buds" again, but by remaining friendly with your ex she is more likely to see you in a positive light. At the end of the day there's no better endorsement than a former lover who still sings your praises.

Be nice to her friends
Just because you have broken up with her does not mean you need to break up with the friends, especially the ones whose company you enjoy. Make an attempt to be cordial with her pals when you see them and try your best to take an interest in their lives. Who knows they might hook you up with someone else?

Resist the need to show and tell
It's only natural to want to gossip about your ex following a breakup. But gossip has a way of spreading and if hell hath no fury like a woman scorned then trust us, it is no better with a woman who find out you are telling all her secrets to the world. No woman wants to date a guy who kisses and tells.

Don't show off your next girlfriend
It's okay to run into the arms of another woman following your breakup, just don't rub it in your ex's face. If she asks if you're seeing someone, feel free to admit it, but don't broadcast every detail of your torrid new love affair. While you're out celebrating your single status, she might be finding it hard to come to terms with the break-up. So show some sensitivity.

Be positive
What if you don't have a dating history? The bad news is women distrust a grown man who hasn't dated as much as banks distrust clients without a credit history. The good news is every woman has a desperately single friend she's dying to set up. So, try your best to stay upbeat and positive. Speak well of women when you're in their company and show them the respect they deserve.

The most important lesson to remember in a relationship is to treat others the way you want to be treated. It might sound cliched but there is a reason why this rule has endured so well over the years. Give your girlfriend the energy and attention she deserves and in the end she'll remember you as "one of the good ones."

Source: Free Articles from ArticlesBase.com

About the Author:
Michael Douglas is a relationship expert and the webmaster of love-lectures.com where he helps you in fighting the heartbreak blues and provides tips to avoid a bitter break up. Here are some sure signs to know if you are about to get dumped so that you can take some immediate steps in order to avoid it.


posted by Ladybird @ 5:48 AM   22 comments
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