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Famous reasons why he cannot be with you
Sunday, September 23, 2007

My best friend broke up a few weeks ago. She is an anesthesiologist and he’s a surgeon. They fell in love one night in the hospital, while trying to save someone’s life. (Ahh! so romantic!). Their relationship lasted 1 year and a half despite the many ups and downs. However someday she realized that she could not compromise her need for real communication and caring any longer and he admitted that he couldn’t give more, so she put on her shoes, she took some medicine books she had left in his house and left him.

Since that day we’ve spent hours talking, elaborating on the famous fear of commitment, trying to explain every word he said and every move he made in historical order, coming to the conclusion that a)she was too good for him and that scared him, b)he’s found another, c)he’s going through a tough phase and cannot “function” in a relationship, etc.

Does this remind you of anything?
Yes, it’s the famous family of the “why he cannot be with me” reasons that we come up with when someone does not want to be with us, or that someone comes up with when they don’t want to be with us…Let’s see some more:
d) He was ok, but maybe you asked too much, too soon
e) He was ok but maybe you should have shown him that you cared in a more straight way so that he could take you more seriously
f) He was influenced by his close friends, who happen to be single
g) You are very good-looking and he was so jealous that he was suffering so he decided not to care very much.
h) You’re extraordinarily smart and he feels threatened by a high IQ.
i) He had just broken up when you met him and he wasn’t really ready for a new commitment
j) He comes from a divorced family and is afraid of being hurt if he gets very close to a partner.
k) He was very old / young for you and he couldn’t cope with that, he is very sensitive and cannot ignore his social circle’s / family’s / friends’ comments.
l) He’s married and although he doesn’t love his wife anymore, he has to live with her for the children’s sake.
m) He likes you very much, but he has to focus on his career right now, so there’s no room for you in his life.

My dear female friends, do you REALLY need to know why? I mean REALLY? What you really need to know when someone doesn’t want to be with you, is that he doesn’t want to be with you. Otherwise, no matter what the problems are, he would be with you. Of course it’s somewhat useful to know the reason why a relationship didn’t work out, because there might be a chance here to know something about yourself and the way you relate to others, but you won’t find it in the above clichés.
Above all, don’t use those clichés to keep alive the hope that he will come back. Don’t keep yourself waiting for the day when the problem that didn’t let him be with you will disappear. Oh, please! Go on with your life –and that’s not a cliché- you should be ashamed of yourself, crying over and waiting for someone who doesn’t want you in his life. You owe it to you and to the people who love you to be happy every day of your life. You owe it to all the other women in the world, to give them a good example. Don’t waste your time and your tender heart on wrong relationships. If he was the right guy, he would be there with you. And OFCOURSE don’t you dare thinking that it was your fault that you two broke up. I forbid it, girls! Don’t forget to love yourself because some idiot doesn’t love you.

Take care,

posted by Ladybird @ 9:57 AM  
  • At September 24, 2007 at 6:20:00 PM PDT, Blogger Sexy Housewife said…

    Check out my new blog about being a wife, mother, woman at

  • At September 25, 2007 at 1:34:00 AM PDT, Blogger Nadiyya said…

    Oooooooohhhh ladybird!!

    The only reason EVER is:

    He didn't deserve you!!

    Here is the reasons for my relationships ending:

    1: He was very religious and felt guilty for getting horny (I was 17)

    2: He needed a mother (I was 23)

    3: He needed a slut (Still 23)

    4: He was gay (I was 26)

    But then I think I found something longer-lasting :)

  • At September 25, 2007 at 5:29:00 AM PDT, Blogger Ladybird said…

    LOL! thanks Nadiyya, you made my day! Nice to c u again!

  • At September 25, 2007 at 11:16:00 AM PDT, Blogger Julian's blog said…

    Hi there!
    The colors for your blog are very soothing...
    I also like all the tidbits of info here and there.

  • At September 25, 2007 at 12:11:00 PM PDT, Blogger ...Kat said…

    you are so wise ladybird

  • At September 27, 2007 at 7:09:00 AM PDT, Blogger Ladybird said…

    thanks kat, but I don't think I'm wise, I'm just being realistic.
    C ya!

  • At September 28, 2007 at 9:07:00 PM PDT, Blogger Colorful Vision said…

    It's nice,have a good day!

  • At September 30, 2007 at 12:07:00 AM PDT, Blogger From The Corner said…

    hi thanks for this! made me smile.
    *hugS* I agree 100% u dont need to know why. And I wish everyone the courage not to settle for the comfortable.

  • At September 30, 2007 at 4:26:00 AM PDT, Blogger incredible said…

    u have described the reality and truth by the mention of "Don’t forget to love yourself because some idiot doesn’t love you."

  • At October 1, 2007 at 6:54:00 AM PDT, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Hello everyone!
    Nice blog!

  • At October 1, 2007 at 2:45:00 PM PDT, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Isn't this all just a little bit over-analyzed? Maybe *that* is what he didn't like...

  • At October 3, 2007 at 3:13:00 AM PDT, Blogger Karen said…

    I just wanted you to know I enjoyed visiting your page this morning. I admire you for your strength and truthfulness. Don't do anything unless it is absolutely right. You only have one life.

  • At October 4, 2007 at 2:19:00 AM PDT, Blogger @}-- ruby --{@ said…

    this is a good read... it made me read till the end to the last period there is. and you're right about there saying to move on when a relationship has ended. there's no sense crying over a spilled milk. and i believe that when a relationship ended, a better new one is coming. don't waste time thinking what went wrong, what happened or wishing if you could turn back time. you have lived life before him, you can live again after him. there will always be life after.

    @}-- ruby --{@

  • At October 4, 2007 at 2:22:00 AM PDT, Blogger @}-- ruby --{@ said…

    you don't mind me quoting this post of yours in my blog, don't you?

    if you do i could always delete it. just tell me.


  • At October 4, 2007 at 7:12:00 AM PDT, Blogger Ladybird said…

    Be my guest, @-- ruby --{@! But don't forget to mention where you found it and put a link to my blog. Thanks for your kind comments!

  • At October 12, 2007 at 9:30:00 PM PDT, Blogger Doc Bollocko said…

    Sometimes though, things just dont work out because people project too much onto another person. Its not always that one person is an asshole and undeserving of a woman's love, even though his behaviour might betray asshole tendencies, it can often be a crippling thing to try and end something, it can be terrible to be left alone, and its hard to always be a good boyfriend when things get tough, and its hard to break up with someone saying "I just want to break up with you, because I have slowly grown to hate you." Aside from that, magazine submissions girl! get them in. Nice writing, though what do I know!

    I'm here

  • At October 27, 2007 at 6:22:00 PM PDT, Blogger Jimmy M. Espana said…

    Interesting picture of the sky!

  • At October 28, 2007 at 2:35:00 AM PDT, Blogger Moira Marshall said…

    Well written, and very true.
    I think it's only natural to look for some reason for it, but if somebody dumps you it's usually just because they're not that into you.

  • At October 28, 2007 at 2:33:00 PM PDT, Blogger bidibis (aka g.a.n.g) said…

    anesthesiologist in greek means that she essentially has no senses

    therefore she must be stoned, she is a manipulative b.. who took advantage of that decent man and then dumbed him for good

    all women must be stoned actually

  • At October 30, 2007 at 7:21:00 AM PDT, Blogger Kold_Kadavr_flatliner said…

    GeezLouise! That last comment was spoken out of rage. God bless you. Here's something which'll help youse rise-above:

    I'd like you to check-out my insane, efficacious, avant-garde, kick-ass trilogy...
    and buy one of my novels (you’ll also find my photo on the back cover of REDUNDANT):

    --> <--

    If we don’t meet here,
    I'll see you in God’s Great Beyond, won't I?
    God bless you.

  • At November 1, 2007 at 8:21:00 AM PDT, Blogger Gold88 said…

    I agree. If someone really love you, he will accept you regardless of your size and age. I have witnessed my dad's love for my mum remains steadfast though my mum has gained so much weight.

  • At December 3, 2012 at 1:50:00 PM PST, Anonymous Flex Circuits said…

    I really appreciate spending some time to talk about that, I believe firmly regarding this and so really enjoy understanding more about this kind of subject.Keep up the good work!

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