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Famous reasons why he cannot be with you
Sunday, September 23, 2007

My best friend broke up a few weeks ago. She is an anesthesiologist and he’s a surgeon. They fell in love one night in the hospital, while trying to save someone’s life. (Ahh! so romantic!). Their relationship lasted 1 year and a half despite the many ups and downs. However someday she realized that she could not compromise her need for real communication and caring any longer and he admitted that he couldn’t give more, so she put on her shoes, she took some medicine books she had left in his house and left him.

Since that day we’ve spent hours talking, elaborating on the famous fear of commitment, trying to explain every word he said and every move he made in historical order, coming to the conclusion that a)she was too good for him and that scared him, b)he’s found another, c)he’s going through a tough phase and cannot “function” in a relationship, etc.

Does this remind you of anything?
Yes, it’s the famous family of the “why he cannot be with me” reasons that we come up with when someone does not want to be with us, or that someone comes up with when they don’t want to be with us…Let’s see some more:
d) He was ok, but maybe you asked too much, too soon
e) He was ok but maybe you should have shown him that you cared in a more straight way so that he could take you more seriously
f) He was influenced by his close friends, who happen to be single
g) You are very good-looking and he was so jealous that he was suffering so he decided not to care very much.
h) You’re extraordinarily smart and he feels threatened by a high IQ.
i) He had just broken up when you met him and he wasn’t really ready for a new commitment
j) He comes from a divorced family and is afraid of being hurt if he gets very close to a partner.
k) He was very old / young for you and he couldn’t cope with that, he is very sensitive and cannot ignore his social circle’s / family’s / friends’ comments.
l) He’s married and although he doesn’t love his wife anymore, he has to live with her for the children’s sake.
m) He likes you very much, but he has to focus on his career right now, so there’s no room for you in his life.

My dear female friends, do you REALLY need to know why? I mean REALLY? What you really need to know when someone doesn’t want to be with you, is that he doesn’t want to be with you. Otherwise, no matter what the problems are, he would be with you. Of course it’s somewhat useful to know the reason why a relationship didn’t work out, because there might be a chance here to know something about yourself and the way you relate to others, but you won’t find it in the above clichés.
Above all, don’t use those clichés to keep alive the hope that he will come back. Don’t keep yourself waiting for the day when the problem that didn’t let him be with you will disappear. Oh, please! Go on with your life –and that’s not a cliché- you should be ashamed of yourself, crying over and waiting for someone who doesn’t want you in his life. You owe it to you and to the people who love you to be happy every day of your life. You owe it to all the other women in the world, to give them a good example. Don’t waste your time and your tender heart on wrong relationships. If he was the right guy, he would be there with you. And OFCOURSE don’t you dare thinking that it was your fault that you two broke up. I forbid it, girls! Don’t forget to love yourself because some idiot doesn’t love you.

Take care,
Ladybird





posted by Ladybird @ 9:57 AM   22 comments
Northern Eyes
Friday, September 14, 2007

The sun is bright and hot. It stings my eyes. I close them and I see red behind my eyelids. I think, “I’m tired of making all the decisions my self. I need someone else to make the plan for the day”. You say, “Today we’re going to swim in Heronissos”, “Tonight we’ll have dinner at “Odos Oniron”. And I say “yes”. You decide everything and you chose all my favorite places. So relaxed for the first time in my life.


I see you in a jewelry shop for the first time. I’m trying a pair of earrings. You say, “You should buy them”. I say “maybe” and I leave.

The next days I see you almost everywhere. In ‘Botzi”, in “Argo”, in Vathy, while I’m having breakfast in “Rabagas”, when I swim in Platy Gialos. You invite my friends and me for dinner, and my appetite surprises you. I say, “I love Italian food” I say and you reply “I’ll cook for you tomorrow night”. And I say yes, and it’s funny because I had decided to say no.

We cook together very often in the small, isolated, white beach house you’ve rented in Vathy, and invite all the friends we’ve made on the island to come over for dinner. But every evening we go first to Kastro to see the moon rising, sitting on some rocks, at the most beautiful bar in the world, the name of which we keep as a secret, so that it will never be too well-known and crowded. I have a kitten on my lap and I play with it. I suddenly say, “You have to promise. You wont’ e-mail or text me, or call me after you leave”. You look at me with those northern eyes of yours and you say, “Of course I won’t”. And then you kiss me and we go home.

You wake me up in the middle of the night and you make martinis and we sip it half-lying on the beach. We don’t talk to each other at all and when we finish the drinks we make love and then we return to the house. We lie on the bed. You start talking to me in your language for a few minutes. Not just words, but long sentences, like you’re telling a story. I don’t understand anything. I laugh. You look serious. You pull me close and we make love again. I can see the first light of the day through our window.



I have bought a dark blue pillowcase; I love the contrast it makes with your hair. I have a white one. I put the timer of my camera on and now we have a picture, my dark head on the white pillow next to your blond head on the dark blue pillow.

I forbid you to use your shower gel or your perfume. I say, “You’ll use my shower gel and no perfume at all. I don’t want to smell your smell on a strange someday and get this Sifnos feeling again.” “It will break my heart” I think, but I don’t say it out loud.

Tonight we’re dancing bare-footed in the little bar in Kastro. I sing along “¿Como te voy a olvidar…”; you ask me what it means. I say, “How am I going to forget you”. You say “You won’t. I won’t”. You are so sweet.

I’m trying to drive my new car through the narrow streets of the island. I swear in Greek and you laugh. You are young, you are blond, you are beautiful, you are laughing out loud and I can clearly see the small child you once were. I give you the keys and now you drive. You hold my hand (oh, I love automatic cars!), I close my eyes, now I’m the child, I feel safe.


It’s your last day on the island. I’ll keep the house for a few more days. I say, “Please don’t leave anything behind. Not even a cigarette end in the ashtray. Like you’ve never existed.” You say “Don’t worry, I won’t”.

I’m driving you to the port. We’re not kissing and we’re not hugging. We had agreed on that. We say “goodbye”, I’m crying a little as I watch you getting on the boat. I drive back home and you haven’t left anything there. Then I find a half-smoked Marlboro in the ashtray. I hate you for that. I love you for that. Under the ashtray you’ve left a letter for me. I read it now.


posted by Ladybird @ 11:15 AM   5 comments
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