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Is it Love or Lust?
Wednesday, February 21, 2007
Author: Michael Douglas

There are zillions of lovers who swear that they had fallen for each other at the first sight. Whereas there are others who are not as lucky and so have dismissed love-at-first-sight as an unrealistic proposition. They contend it is a concept cooked up by romantics who need a plausible theory to air-brush that deadly sin stirring inside them. They insist that the tingle, that spark, that connection that you feel with a person upon seeing him or her the first time is most probably LUST. It is not, nor can it be, love. Love is built on compatibility, understanding, trust, security, respect... None of these aspects can be gauged at the first meeting, and therefore, by logical reasoning, your feelings, however powerful, can not be love at all.

Infatuation is the name

In the same vein, love at first sight is an excuse often trotted by people who either don't know, or don't want to admit that the pull of a sexual attraction can be that intense. This may well sum up the beliefs of most modern lovers. "I used to believe that love at first sight isn't such a sham as it is made out to be. His name was Jack and the first time I saw him, I was completely charmed. His good looks had an almost instantaneous magical effect on me. He was my neighbour's cousin and I used to eagerly await birthdays and anniversary functions in the neighbourhood in the hope of seeing him. In fact, on such occasions, I made sure I wore a short skirt or something sexy. I would make special efforts to speak in my accented english in front of him until one day I met another guy whom I knew for six months and got involved with him. Jack was out of my mind and my life. It's then I realised that love had a lot more to it than just physical attraction.

For many, love at first sight is just another way of saying infatuation. "I don't think there is any such thing as love at first sight. It's infatuation colour-coated as love. It's purely physical in nature. Love should not be dishonoured by comparing it with something as amorous desire," adds MNC executive Jess Jones.

There are others who also believe that it's an immature emotion felt by young teenagers. A guy may have the best looks in the world but may turn out to be the biggest cheater too. Eventually one realises the value of compatibility, steadiness, understanding and commitment in sustaining a relationship. You can't predict that a guy will share these with you at the first sight.

'tis true love

For every person who doesn't believe in this, there are others who will defend love at first sight with a dogged determination. They argue that physical attraction is the first step to any relationship. It could be the person's face, gait, hair or even butt that first attracts you to him/her. This is something called intution. "When I saw my girlfriend for the first time in school, I became completely lost in her eyes. She was new in the school and had an innocent look about her. I could feel my heart flutter with joy every time I saw her. There was an instant emotional connection. Although I couln't gather the strength to confess my feelings to her till much later, my love withstood the vagaries of time. As a friend and a classmate, I was well aware of her ongoing affairs but somewhere I still had the embers of hope burning bright. It was three years of passing out school, that I confessed my feelings to her, that too with the help of her best friend. She was hesitant initially but today we are a happy couple. It was truly love at first sight for me", says graphic designer Arun Vohra.

There can be love at first sight but the chances of success are as high or poor as the people involved in it. My brother met my sister-in-law and within three months they were married. I too married my husband in a similar fashion," adds model Jessica Simons.

You may call it the stroke of luck or destiny, the truth is there are many relationships that grew out of the so-called Cupid that struck at first sight as many as there are others that haven't worked out.

What's the difference between lust and true love?

- Lust actually occurs when you first meet someone and feel a special connection. It is based on sexual chemistry and is accompanied by a rapid heartbeat, sweaty palms and, for an unfortunate few drooling. It is more like an infatuation than enduring love. It could stem from both physical and a mental attraction.

- The main difference between lust and love is that lust often happens when there is little chance of forming a relationship. Lust is safe way to explore your feelings for someone who you may think is unattainable. This can closely resemble love, and if your feelings don't fizzle after you've snagged the object of them, then they can lead to love.



Found at ArticlesBase.com

About the Author:
Michael Douglas is a dating and relationship expert who currently writes for Love-Lectures.com where you can find love tips for romancing your love mate and dating tips for yet another successful date. Also, he offers love relationship tips to strengthen your love life and helps you in building healthy and successful relationships.


posted by Ladybird @ 12:35 PM  
20 Comments:
  • At February 21, 2007 at 2:11:00 PM PST, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    I agree completly with what you are saying about Love and Lust, but there is another component-Hope. Hope is such a powerful thing that it can always make someone think that they have a chance-that maybe that girl will go for them. Even if they know that their chances are slim to none, hope can keep someone attached thinking that there is always some possibility that they will make it with that person. When that hope is taken away--when that girl is taken by some other guy--the result is devastating. All that you had come to believe could happen comes crashing in and you feel small and insignificant. Hope can kept someone happy, it gives people a chance even when they really don't have one. When hope is gone there is nothing left to hang onto and nothing to be happy about anymore.

     
  • At February 21, 2007 at 3:42:00 PM PST, Blogger kahealani said…

    I love your whole blogspot layout! It is awesome. I also like the articles on the left. I blog about Britney also. She is sooooo messed up in the head! Sometimes I feel sorry for her. Sometimes NOT!

     
  • At February 21, 2007 at 6:53:00 PM PST, Blogger lifeviewer said…

    i have spent many hours reading your blog, and i think it's amazing, i share a lot thoughts with you...

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    About Brtiney Spears, omg, she's so nuts!!!!
    what the hell is happening with her... i feel sorry for her in that way, in other way i really feel sorry for me...

    she has a lot, but in the same way the has nothing

     
  • At February 22, 2007 at 1:08:00 AM PST, Blogger Deepu said…

    hmm pretty cool blog for women. .

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  • At February 22, 2007 at 3:41:00 AM PST, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

     
  • At February 22, 2007 at 7:38:00 PM PST, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    love is like a plant of slow growth that takes a long time to blossm. before there is authentic love, there must be deep friendship. and deep friendship doesnt just happen. it must be worked at... and worked at hard.

    WOW Gold Cheats

     
  • At February 22, 2007 at 8:54:00 PM PST, Blogger Anthony the Loser said…

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  • At February 24, 2007 at 9:09:00 AM PST, Blogger Lovely Woman said…

    i love your blog could we became friends

     
  • At February 24, 2007 at 10:29:00 AM PST, Blogger Austin Girl said…

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  • At February 24, 2007 at 10:54:00 AM PST, Blogger Trilo said…

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  • At February 24, 2007 at 12:18:00 PM PST, Blogger cy21 said…

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  • At February 24, 2007 at 12:47:00 PM PST, Blogger david santos said…

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  • At February 25, 2007 at 5:02:00 AM PST, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Wonderful article. I recently had to go through the same questions -- is it love or just lust? But - we realized we were both feeling the same thing and explored it together, finding a much deeper well of shared experience and hope for the future than either of us had thought was possible in a relationship. He finally got the courage to ask if he had been seeing what he thought he had... All of this time I had been thinking that he could not be interested, and shoving my 'lust' instincts down into the back of my mind. However, those instincts were not purely physical - they were also based in seeing his arts, way with animals and worldview, at least as far as he had shown me. Those instincts were what you called 'intuition.' He was feeling them too, both physically and intellectually. We were just hiding it that well from each other. When we opened up and dropped the polite society faces we had been giving to each other - we realized true love can be a force so strong it sweeps you up together irresistably through even the hardest of circumstances.

     
  • At February 25, 2007 at 6:13:00 AM PST, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    I have just fallen in love someone at first sight.And now,I try to close our relationships.I miss him very much.I don't know if it can call the love,I just want to sent short message to him or chat with him online.I hope we can know about each other little by little.Maybe he will like me,:)

     
  • At February 25, 2007 at 11:44:00 AM PST, Blogger Joe said…

    Too often love is confused with sex. Not lust exactly but lust drove us to the sex. True LOVE is neither.
    We can share feelings of deep understanding and companionship, we can have many things in common. None of these are LOVE. LOVE is a gift. It must be given and can never be taken. To love unconditionally is the truest love. This is not to say that we should lose our selves and be doormats to be walked on. It simply means that Love is not a physical thing but a truly internal thing. It is possible to share this love with and between others that have the same understanding of love. We have no right to expect love in return. We should be ever grateful for it when it is.

     
  • At February 25, 2007 at 9:14:00 PM PST, Blogger nanapukitababomb said…

    so what happens when you're one of the easiest females on planet earth and you have this neurotic tendency to fall in love with anything wearing pants?

     
  • At February 26, 2007 at 4:32:00 AM PST, Blogger R2K said…

    : )

     
  • At March 7, 2007 at 9:30:00 PM PST, Blogger Rachel C Miller said…

    I think at different times of your life, love takes on different meanings. I believe men are much more into physical attributes then women are. Our culture reflects, a man goes gray he is distinguished a woman goes gray she is a old hag. It could be the instinctive women are looking for stability and lot less on looks and a man he wants to say damn look whats on my arms.
    I kept a friendship going with a man I never saw for almost five years, you need to have more then a sexual appeal to keep in a long term relationship. You have to be able to relate on another level.

     
  • At March 8, 2007 at 7:19:00 PM PST, Anonymous jill said…

    Check out this awesome Presidential Candidate I found online. He is trying to break the mold of big money, big power politics to help real Americans! Read about him at: www.hargis.info

     
  • At April 11, 2007 at 2:00:00 PM PDT, Blogger Thessa's dream said…

    I am expirementing this these days so i'm not so sure what to think about the article yet...Met a man at the Market and it he inspired me to write a blog.

    Anyway...Love your blog...it's in my bookmarks from now!

    kaliníhta

     
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